Sunday, February 27, 2011
An Indian Roller/ROCK exclusive...
At a routine security check at Ben Gurion International Airport, Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) apprehended Jesus Christ and remanded him into custody on charges of terrorism and threats to human life. Sources close to the Church of Second Coming, the official international institution that negotiated Christ's return to Earth, say that IDF would not reveal the exact location in Israel where Christ is being held.
"He fit the exact profile of a Middle-Eastern terrorist," said Levi Benin, a spokesman for the IDF in Tel Aviv. "He was dark-haired, dark-eyed, and wore loose white clothing...like an Arab." Benin added that Christ also spoke in a foreign dialect which raised concern among the security officers that Christ was an "Arab acting suspiciously." The IDF reiterated that they have a "zero-tolerance policy for suspicious Arabs" at all Israeli airports.
In a bid to negotiate Christ's release, Xavier Don-Quie', Head of the global parish of the Church of Second Coming, has flown to Tel Aviv. But he admitted that it could be a case of mistaken identity. "Christ, as we all know from European paintings, is blonde and blue-eyed," said Donquie. "However, I am going to find out for myself, through extensive testing, if this is the real Christ or an imposter."
Don-Quie' noted that the tests that he has for the Jesus in custody are "standard" in the Christian lexicon - walk on water, turn water into wine, recreate virgin birth, revive the dead in Tel Aviv morgue, and simulate a resurrection. "If he passes every test," said Don-Quie',"I shall know that this is Christ, our Lord."