Thursday, December 31, 2009

Proverbial Chutney...

"Yes, Mrs. dog did my homework..."

Arkansas Store Owner Embraces Festivus as Official Store Holiday

An Indian Roller DUN exclusive...

Tracy Sharpner, the owner of a hardware store in Bedford, Arkansas, has declared that her workplace will forego the tradition of celebrating Christmas and commemorate Festivus during the holidays of 2010. Festivus is a secular holiday created by writer Dan O'Keefe and popularized by his son, Daniel O'Keefe, a screenwriter for the hit TV show, Seinfeld.

Sharpner, who grew up in a Christian household in Darwin, California, moved to Arkansas nearly nine years ago to set up a store that featured products from local suppliers in Arkansas and neighboring states of Mississippi and Tennessee. "It's entirely a coincidence," said Sharpner,"but I happen to have a diverse demographic of religious denominations who are either my employees, my vendors, or my customers. I also have Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, and a few atheists who work here in permanent- or temporary-capacity. We have several global religions under one roof, right here."

As she looked around at other stores in Bedford, Sharpner admits that she was "shocked" to find that most stores observed only Christmas as part of the holiday festivities. "I thought it was very parochial and un-Christian to appropriate the holidays for one faith only,"said Sharpner. "Since I strongly felt that a change was in the air, I started with my workplace and talked to my employees." Sharpner says that she was "simply amazed" to find out that a majority of her staff felt especially alienated during the holidays.

"The holidays are supposed to bring everyone together, not just Christians." said Sharpner, adding that she put up the holiday celebrations at her store up for a vote."The majority of employees voted for Festivus because it was the most secular festival of all." Sharpner admits that she was "especially gratified" that her employees voted for a secular celebration.

"The United States is a secular nation,"noted Sharpner,"and it warms my heart that my employees are aware of our nation's founding principles and believe in sharing the holidays with people of all creeds. And an aluminum pole is the only accoutrement needed for the festivities. Now that's recyclable, green, and earth-friendly."

Friday, December 25, 2009

Proverbial Chutney

"It's your drink for free..."

Utah Group Stages John Wayne Redux to Protect Tech Jobs

An Indian Roller DUN exclusive...
An activist group from Salt Lake City, Utah, wants to revive the Hollywood persona of John Wayne from his Western-genre movies. The group, Duke in Person (DIP), hopes to embrace Wayne's on-screen persona to help stave off outsourcing of American technology jobs to India. Wayne's popular moniker was "Duke", a reference to his pet dog from his childhood days in Southern California.

Members of DIP, who are also called "dippies" in Salt Lake City area, mainly due to their John Wayne inspired swagger and diction, use a combination of braggadocio and sensationalism to drive home their message. Ranee Fox, the President of DIP, articulated the cause of his group: "Just like the Duke stood up against the Indians in our pioneering days, we need to stand up against the loss of tech jobs to Indians."

Fox argues that most Americans feel helpless against the spate of tech jobs moving from the U.S. to India. "You look at great pioneering cities like Orem and Provo where the software industry was once booming," said Fox, "But now, owing to Bangalore and Hyderabad, we have Indians taking over jobs that rightfully belongs here. We need a leader of the Duke's caliber to preserve what is ours."

Arguing that Indian were holding on to jobs that Americans deserve, DIPS Charter Secretary Marl Monody pointed to a 1971 Playboy interview in which Wayne was quoted as having said that "There were great numbers of people who needed new land the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." Drawing a parallel with recent U.S. and its annexation of lands belonging to Indians, Monody said that DIPS is asking for something similar. "We want the jobs that the Indians are selfishly keeping for themselves and if we have to annex their companies, so be it," said Monody. "I think the Duke would agree with us."

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Proverbial Chutney

"That little bit of spirit should uncork your emotions."

Religion and Real Estate Vie to Get Closer to God

==An Indian Roller Consider it DUN exclusive==

With real estate prices taking a plunge in Dubai, a Sunni group with ties to the Saudi Royal family has been lobbying to buy the top floor of the Burj in Dubai at an undisclosed bargain price. The group, Dar al Dubai (DAD), plans to build a mosque in the top floor of the Burj, the tallest building in the world today.

"The top floor will be a prayer site for those who want to feel closest to Allah for a few minutes," said Dawood Ghazali, the DAD Public Relations Manager. "This is a mosque with the highest urban elevation on earth." Ghazali added that since the floor is accessible only via elevators, the prayer times will be restricted to 10 minutes per individual. "However," he said,"we will consider special requests."

The efforts to erect this soaring sanctum follows a global trend in high-rise sanctuaries. Recently, an influential group of Sikhs in Sirijaya, Malaysia, lobbied to establish a gurdwara in the top floor of the Petrones Towers in Kuala Lumpur. The move for the Petrones gurudwara, which was widely hailed as a reflection of the ascendancy of Sikhism in Malaysia, was withdrawn after the religious group and the developers of the Petrones Towers failed to reach a deal on the lease for the towers.

"We aim high,"said Ghazali, citing the charter of DAD,"because God wants us to."